


fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

by massivdisaster



Series: the first time they knew love [1]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Lovers to Friends, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:55:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/massivdisaster/pseuds/massivdisaster
Summary: The first time Luke knew love, it was Alex.
Relationships: Alex & Luke Patterson & Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex & Reggie & Luke & Bobby (Julie and The Phantoms), Alex/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: the first time they knew love [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940926
Comments: 9
Kudos: 169





	fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they?

The first time Luke knew love, it was Alex.

Of course Reggie and Bobby were his best friends too, but something about the way Alex laughed and twirled his drumsticks and smiled at Luke made Luke go a bit weak in the knees. It was baffling. Nothing about Alex had changed; the boys had known each other for three years now. The Alex he met at fourteen was the same Alex he knew at 17.

Except he wasn’t. Alex was out. He was gay and he didn’t really care who knew. Not that he was parading it, but he wasn’t doing much to hide it either. It made Bobby uncomfortable, but when wasn’t Bobby uncomfortable? Luke needed to talk to him about that anyway. Because Alex being gay didn’t change who he had been when they first started the band. And it certainly didn’t change how attractive Alex was.

Not that Luke thought Alex was attractive...right?

He wasn’t sure. He shook his head and stared at the page before him in his notebook, disjointed. For one of the first times in his life, trying to write a song wasn’t helping. It just made him confused.

“Luke!”

The door to Luke’s room popped open and Alex slipped his Walkman headphones onto his neck with a grin as he slid inside.

“Bro, you are not going to believe what I just heard from Reggie. His dad took him to go see that new movie in theatres, you know? The orange juice one?”

“ _Pulp Fiction_?” Luke chuckled.

Alex scrunched his nose when he smiled. Could Luke work that into a song somehow? 

“Yeah, that one! It’s super cool, I think, or at least Reggie says so. But you know his taste. Anyway, he was stopping to pick up Bob before he came over, so I’m sure we’re going to hear all about it soon anyway.” Alex sighed and collapsed into the spot next to Luke on the couch, throwing his arm around Luke casually. “You writing?”

“Trying to.” Luke showed him the blank page mournfully. “I don’t know how to translate what I’m feeling into words.”

Alex sucked his cheeks in, going quiet for a moment. Luke hated silence, so he just kept talking.

“It’s always so easy to write about us, and the band, and that future and all, but I guess when it comes down to it there are only so many times you can say the same thing, right? But now that I’m trying to write something different, change it up, it’s not working. I keep thinking in like a stream of consciousness style, but it’s not...lyrics. I can’t even come up with a melody for it.”

Alex tutted, leaning his chin on Luke’s shoulder to look at the page with him. “That’s not like you.”

“I know! Writing songs is supposed to be my thing, right?”

“Mmhmm.”

“But it’s like I’ve hit a block!”

“What exactly were you trying to write about?”

Luke stopped, looking over at Alex. Alex shrugged.

“Just...talk it out with me. Maybe we’ll find a phrase or something that we can turn into something good.”

He looked so earnest and open that Luke almost started talking without thinking, but then he stopped.

“I, uh, it’s not...that simple.” Luke looked away reluctantly, putting his pen between his teeth.

“Why not?”

“Gentlemen!”

Luke’s door flew open again and Reggie and Bobby bounded in. Whatever moment Luke was about to have with Alex (if there was going to be a moment at all) was gone.

Reggie fell into Luke’s lap dramatically, sighing. “Lucas. My friend. My best buddy. My affiance.”

“The hell does that mean?” Bobby laughed. Alex giggled and Luke caught his eye, shrugging.

“I dunno, I heard it on the radio the other day,” Reggie said, dismissing Bobby with a wave of his hand. He turned to Luke, grabbing his face and grinning. “Listen, Luke, listen to me.”

“What, Reg, what?”

“I know what we’re doing for Halloween, because I know you were so concerned—”

“Uh-huh, for sure—“

“—and it involves my parents leaving town—”

“—uh-huh—“

“—and you getting to come over and actually get drunk for the first time in your LIFE.”

“Aw, popping your little drinking cherry, pretty boy?” Bobby ruffled Luke’s hair and Luke grimaced.

“Hey, come on now.” Alex swatted Bobby away, laughing. “Luke’s just a good kid. You know how Emily is, anyway.”

Bobby and Reggie groaned as Luke shoved Reggie off him. “Yeah, they know Emily. And she is going to _kill_ me if she finds out I got drunk. I’m not gonna do it.”

“Okay, yeah, but what about the rest of us? Who’s going to take care of us when we’re stumbling and vomiting and—”

Luke huffed and stalked to the other side of the room, rubbing his face. “Why can’t we just have a movie night? It’s been fine the past few years, right? Why mess with perfection?”

“Luke, come on!” Reggie followed Luke and grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him slightly. “This is the first chance we have to really get crazy! We can’t get to the afterparties and have people think we’re straight edge scrubs!”

“Right, as if you don’t drink every weekend already,” Luke huffed, shrugging Reggie off of him with a sigh. “Look, alright, I _am_ straight edge, Reggie. I’m straight.”

He caught Alex’s eye and watched his face fall, but it was too late. He didn’t have a way to take it back without tipping the other two off.

When he finally looked back up at Reggie, Reggie looked concerned.

“I’m not getting drunk on Halloween, Reg. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t see the problem with having another movie marathon on Halloween,” Alex said loudly, standing up and clapping his hands together decisively. “So I say movie marathon at my house, and if you want to get drunk, go to Reggie’s.”

“I’ll be at Reggie’s, then,” Bobby said pointedly.

“And I’ll be at Alex’s,” Luke nodded. “Now, _knuckleheads_ , are we practicing or not?”

And if Luke kept giving Alex gentle smiles all rehearsal, that was just for them to know, right?

~

Alex was not Luke’s first kiss, or even second or third, but he was the first kiss that really mattered. The first kiss that really meant something. It was simple and for the first time, Luke didn’t feel horribly anxious. It felt like home.

Alex pulled back, bumping his nose against Luke’s gently as he did. “So, uh…”

“Wow.”

Luke’s eyes fluttered open and he let himself take in a small breath. Alex smelled like cologne and hair wax and the thing drummers used to keep their drums ready to play.

“I didn’t, uh…”

And then Alex sat back, leaning against the wall next to his bed so Luke couldn’t lean in to kiss him again.

“I didn’t know you...you know. Were like me.”

“I didn’t either,” Luke said softly. Alex looked up at him, his face hardening. “But I know that the past few months I’ve been thinking more about you than any girl I’ve tried to talk to. And I’ve wanted to kiss you more than them too.”

In a bold move, Luke grabbed Alex’s hand and held it tight. Alex looked down, then back up at Luke with a grimace.

“If you’re punking me—”

“—I’m not. I wouldn’t—”

“—but if you are—”

“—I’m not!”

“It’s not funny, Luke.” Alex looked away again, pulling his hand back from Luke’s grip. “And it’s not fair that you’re finally…”

Luke frowned and crawled so he was sitting next to Alex again, but this time not so close. “I’m finally what?”

Alex’s hair bounced when he talked and Luke was so distracted by it that he nearly missed what Alex said.

“I thought I had just gotten over you, and for you to just...like, this, right now? It’s not fair.”

Luke sat for a moment and chewed on his lip while Alex ran a hand through his hair.

“I’m sorry it took me a while to come around,” Luke said finally, bumping his shoulders with Alex so the blond would look up at him. “But this is genuine. This, us, you know? It’s real. For me, anyway.”

“It’s real for me too.”

They shared a smile, quick and secret, before Alex leaned in and kissed Luke again.

~

Making out with Alex was nothing like making out with a girl, Luke found out quickly. Alex was much more muscular, and taller. He kissed a little differently too. And his tongue tasted less like bubblegum and lipgloss and more like street dogs and chapstick. He had this way of wrapping his arm around Luke’s waist that made Luke feel a little dizzy, and the knowledge that at any moment Alex could lift Luke into the air certainly didn’t make that feeling go away. It was nice to know now that when they were lying on the couch Luke didn’t have to hold back if he wanted to kiss Alex when he laughed.

Except when Reggie and Bobby were around. But Luke preferred hanging out with Alex over them anyway, so.

A few weekends later was the first time they hadn’t forced themselves into a gig.

“Alright, so are we going to the movies tonight or no? I need to let my parents know if we are,” Bobby said, shoving his street dog trash into a bin as they passed by on the street. Reggie threw his napkin at the can and groaned when it bounced. “They’re actually expecting me to be home on time tonight.”

“I thought we weren’t seeing another movie until _Dumb and Dumber_ came out,” Luke said, pulling his beanie tighter to his head against the cold November air.

“I heard _Interview with a Vampire_ was pretty good.”

“I don’t think that’s the comedy movie you think it is, Reg,” Alex grinned, bumping his elbow with Luke. Luke laughed until a napkin hit him in the face.

“Hey!”

“I know it’s not a comedy, jackass.” Reggie sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s a romance or horror or something. Might be nice to switch things up though.”

“I think Luke and I were actually gonna go home and try to catch _Friends_ on tv,” Alex said. Luke didn’t miss the smirk in his voice. “But you guys let us know how the vampire one is, yeah?”

“You guys have been ditching us,” Bobby said loudly, stopping so the four of them could talk. “It’s me and Reg all the time and you two going off on your own, and it’s kinda weird—are you a fag or what, Luke?”

Luke went cold. The silence hung in the air for a moment, heavy and weird, until—

“Hey, Bob, we don’t care about that kind of stuff. We didn’t care with Alex—not that we don’t love you, bro—” Reggie laughed uncomfortably. “—but even if you were, Luke, we wouldn’t care.” His voice had gone soft but stilted, as though he was hiding something.

“I would!” Bobby huffed. “If we’re supposed to be going on tour and shit, we’re gonna have to share rooms and beds and stuff and I don’t wanna do that with two fags. One is bad enough.”

“Then find another band.”

It wasn’t until Luke saw everyone look at him that he realized he was the one who had spoken. Bobby looked shocked, Reggie looked concerned, and Alex looked...almost proud.

“Alex is a fantastic drummer and when it comes down to it, you’re more easily replaced. So maybe think on that before you decide to be a fucking dickhead again, yeah? Come on Alex.”

Luke spun and started heading back to his house, confident Alex would follow. He was right.

“Luke!”

“That was such a mistake,” Luke muttered, more to himself. Alex bumped shoulders with him, laughing. “Oh my god, that was so stupid of me. Why was I so rude?”

“Luke, breathe for a second, okay?” Alex stepped in front of him, pulling Luke to a halt in the middle of the sidewalk. “Hey, Luke. Thank you.”

Luke shoved his shaking hands in his pocket, trying to steady his breathing. “We can’t be a band without Bobby. He’s the one who—”

“Luke. Stop thinking about Bob for a second and focus on me.”

Luke refocused his eyes on Alex’s face, taking in a shaky breath. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

And then Alex kissed him in the middle of the street, and Luke would be damned if he made Alex sad, so he let himself be kissed and the world slotted into place.

~

When Luke ran away from home, he didn’t tell anyone. Not even Alex. He didn’t have anywhere else to go, so he made a makeshift home at their studio garage and hoped no one asked. 

~

Christmas and New Year’s came and went before Bobby finally apologized. He did so without much fanfare, just a visit to the studio and a reluctantly uncomfortable conversation, but it was enough. By February everything was back on track, except now Luke had people to ask for advice about what to do for Valentine’s Day. 

He dragged Reggie with him to one of the corner convenience stores on the chilliest day of the year so far and was debating between two different cards of varying degrees of cheesiness when Reggie said something that caught him off guard. 

“Why him?”

Luke didn’t even look up. “Why who?”

“Alex. I mean, like, we’re cool, right? You and me?”

“Uh-huh. Do you think he’d like this pun?”

“Luke.”

Reggie grabbed the cards from Luke and stepped into his line of vision, frowning. 

“I’m being serious, just—level with me, please?”

“What are you even talking about, Reg?”

“Like, am I just not a gay guys type?”

Luke sucked in a sharp breath, staring at Reggie uncomfortably before throwing his gaze to the floor.

“Reg—“

“I’m serious. I feel like guys never go for me and I wanna know if it’s something I’m doing, or…”

“Maybe you just come off really straight,” Luke said dismissively, grabbing the cards back finally. “And what does it matter to you anyway?”

“What do you mean I come off straight?”

“Like, your aura. You have this really straight aura. If I didn’t know you, I would expect you to call me a fag too. Do you think Alex would like this pun or not?” Luke held the card up in front of his face, but Reggie pushed his hand down. 

“My aura is not straight!”

“You’re very unhelpful,” Luke sighed, deciding Alex would enjoy the shitty dollar store card pun, and putting the other card back. “I almost wish I’d brought Bob instead.”

“You and Alex are cool still, right?”

“Yeah?” As Luke started making his way to the front, Reggie began walking next to him, but backwards. “Why?”

“So I don’t have a chance with you?”

Luke stopped, staring at Reggie. “What?”

Reggie stared back, his face turning bright red. “Uh.”

“Wait, what?”

But then Reggie was running out the door and Luke was left with the card and a hollow feeling in his chest. 

~

Alex liked the card and didn’t have any problem showing it. 

At this point Luke had lost track of how long it had been since Alex had pushed him into the sofa and started kissing him roughly, but he wasn’t complaining. It felt nice to have Alex’s warm hands on his neck and in his hair. 

“I promise,” Alex murmured between kisses, “that your gift...is coming soon.”

“Okay,” Luke mumbled back, much preferring when Alex’s lips were on his. 

~

By next week, the heat was gone. Alex was being less touchy-feely and his smiles weren’t quite as big. Luke pulled him aside one day during lunch at school, dragging Alex to a back stairwell that he knew nobody used, not even for the naughty things. 

“Did I do something wrong?”

Alex was avoiding his gaze, which said pretty much all it needed to, but Luke still needed to ask. To confirm. He was losing everything, why not this too?

“No, Luke, I just—“

“—you can be honest with me—“

“—I know—“

“—cause things have—“

“—Luke.”

Luke took in a breath and looked up at Alex, who looked horribly sad. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Alex said softly. Luke just nodded.

“I guess we weren’t really ever gonna work out, were we,” Luke sighed, starting to back up towards the door. “Okay. Thanks for being honest—“

“Luke, no, hold on, please?”

Luke had never learned how to say no to him. 

Alex was holding his hand out and smiling sadly. Luke let himself be hugged and buried his nose in Alex’s shoulder and tried not to cry. He failed.

“You’re my best friend, you know that?”

“I know,” Luke said, and he tried not to mourn for what he’d lost. 

~

Luke didn’t fall out of love with Alex. The love just changed. He went back to not being able to kiss Alex when he laughed, but Alex still hugged him the same and ate the shitty street dogs with him and treated him exactly the same. Maybe all wasn't lost. Maybe, instead of losing things, things just shifted. He lost sight of things, but they were never really gone. 

He was sitting in the studio again when Alex slid in one night, a duffel bag on his shoulder. 

“Luke?”

“Hey, Alex—“

Luke shoved anything that made it look as though he’d been living there off the table, but it was too late. Alex gave him a knowing look.

“You too?”

Luke just nodded. Alex sighed, looked around, and shrugged. 

“I can make a bed upstairs in the loft?”

“Go for it. I just got the fridge working too.”

By the end of April, Reggie had practically started living at the studio too. Bobby kept them stocked with food and they wrote at all hours of the night and laughed their asses off and when Bobby told them about their first gig at the Orpheum in July, the celebration they had was one of the best days of their life. That was the night Alex gave Luke his goodbye kiss, the last one he’d ever get, and it felt like the closure he needed. He didn’t feel hollow when he looked at his boys anymore. He was whole again. 

He hoped this feeling would last forever. 


End file.
